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Carrying the Mental Load is exhausting.
It’s the constant, invisible weight of managing everything for everyone. This work is real and relentless and finding ways to lighten it often feels impossible.
Here’s the hard truth: there’s no one-size-fits-all, magic fix for this. I wish there were. But while I don’t have all the answers, I do have some strategies you can try today. They won’t erase the Mental Load, but they might just make it a little more manageable—and that’s a step worth taking!
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What is The Mental Load?
The Mental Load is the mental and emotional burden of managing various aspects of life. It’s that constant voice in your head—always thinking, planning, and organizing to ensure the happiness and well-being of everyone around you.
It’s like being a human checklist, constantly running through tasks, unable to be fully present because your mind is always “on.” And it’s not just about the tasks themselves; it’s the invisible effort behind the scenes to make sure they get done.
This unseen work keeps everything running smoothly, but it can feel overwhelming and exhausting. That’s why finding strategies to ease the load is so important.
How to Deal with the Mental Load
Let’s jump into some strategies that can help ease this burden.
It’s important to remember that not every strategy will work for everyone. Each person’s experience is different, and finding what works best for you is a journey—but one that’s definitely worth taking!
1. Feel Your Emotions
Sometimes, you just need to fully experience the weight of the Mental Load and acknowledge how hard it is. We often try to power through life, keeping it all together, telling ourselves “It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” when deep down we know it’s not. Dealing with this invisible load is no joke—it’s hard, exhausting, and overwhelming. So whether it’s anger, frustration, or sadness, allow yourself to feel it all.
When you suppress your emotions, it doesn’t make them go away. Instead, those unprocessed feelings build up over time, intensifying the mental and physical strain on your body. Suppressing emotions has been linked to increased stress levels, anxiety, and even physical health issues like high blood pressure or tension headaches. By ignoring what you feel, you’re essentially adding more to your Mental Load, making it even heavier to carry.
Acknowledging your emotions is essential for your well-being. When you process and express what you’re feeling, it lightens the burden and prevents those emotions from festering into something harder to manage later. Plus, science backs this up. Crying, for example, isn’t just an emotional release—it’s a natural reset button. Studies show that shedding tears releases oxytocin and endorphins, powerful chemicals that elevate your mood and ease both physical and emotional pain.
So, the next time you feel like you need to cry, yell, or just sit in silence and feel your emotions, let yourself do it. It’s not weakness; it’s a necessary part of healing and managing the Mental Load. After all, you can’t lighten the weight if you don’t first acknowledge you’re carrying it.
2. Open Communication
Carrying the Mental Load in silence only makes it heavier. If you’re doing most of the planning, organizing, and remembering, talking about it is the first step toward feeling less alone and getting the support you need.
However, I know from personal experience that these conversations are tricky, especially with your partner. It’s not a simple topic, and it’s often hard to convey the weight of this invisible labor. Here are some ideas to help make the conversation a bit easier:
Start by sharing what the Mental Load looks like for you. Instead of saying, “I do everything around here,” try being specific: “I’m the one keeping track of school forms, planning meals, remembering doctor’s appointments, and making sure the house is stocked with essentials.”
This helps others see the work going on behind the scenes. If your partner isn’t aware of everything you’re managing, they may not realize the imbalance.
If you’re met with resistance or defensiveness, remind them that this isn’t about blame—it’s about working together. You’re not asking for help; you’re asking for shared responsibility. The difference matters.
For more ideas, check out this article—it’s packed with tips to help make these tough conversations go a bit smoother.
The Mental Load isn’t just something to discuss with your partner. Start involving your kids in age-appropriate ways—not to overwhelm them, but to introduce the concept early. Simple things like letting them take ownership of their school bag, putting their dishes in the sink, or remembering when they need to bring their library book back can set the stage for shared responsibility later on.
And don’t underestimate the power of talking with friends. Sharing experiences with people who get it can be validating and a reminder that you’re not alone. Sometimes, just hearing someone say, “I’m dealing with the same thing” can be a huge relief.
The Mental Load shouldn’t be yours to carry alone. Talking about it is the first step to lightening it.
3. Clear Your Mind with Lists and Checklists
One of the most exhausting parts of the Mental Load is the “mental” bit. Holding all the important tasks and information in your mind doesn’t leave much space for anything else. The use of lists and checklists can be incredibly helpful.
To-Do Lists:
Break down your daily or weekly tasks into a to-do list. Having a clear list of what needs to be accomplished each day can prevent feelings of overwhelm and guide your focus. Pro Tip – If you enjoy that hit of accomplishment you get from crossing things off your list, include things that you do normally, like “eat breakfast” or “pick up the kids from school!”
Check Lists:
It’s hard to remember everything! Checklists are a great way to help. For example, when planning a child’s birthday party, there are a lot of elements to include. Having a checklist you can use every time you plan a party takes some of the Mental Load away. Don’t want to think about making your own? Get our Mental Load Checklists! They’re ready to go, so you can stop stressing and start checking things off without the extra effort.
Master Lists:
What’s for dinner? The dreaded question that needs to be answered every single day. What if you could look at a master list of meals your family loves and simply choose? Creating these master lists does take time, but having them on hand when your brain is not working is very helpful.
Mind Dump:
When your mind feels cluttered, do a “mind dump” by jotting down all the tasks, thoughts, and ideas swirling in your head. Sit down with a pen and paper, and write down everything in your head. Don’t worry about order—just get it all out. This helps clear mental space and allows you to organize and prioritize.
Check out our Resources page for options!
4. Prioritize to Uncover What Matters Most
Despite your best efforts, your brain has limited capacity. The Mental Load is heavy enough without adding unnecessary weight. Prioritization helps direct your limited resources toward the most critical and impactful activities. How do you determine what’s a priority? Here are some ideas that can help:
Determine what matters to YOU:
Take a moment to reflect on what is important for both you and your family. External influences, such as societal expectations or the opinions of others, might be compelling you to take on more responsibilities than necessary. Something I would put at the top of my list may not even be on yours, and that’s okay! Allow yourself to look at things differently.
Ask yourself “What happens if I don’t?”:
Managing a lengthy to-do list can be daunting, making it challenging to know where to start. The answers to this simple question can help provide some clarity. The consequences of “What happens if I don’t pay the power bill on time” vs “What happens if I don’t organize the pantry” are very different.
Categorize Tasks:
Once you’ve considered the potential outcomes of leaving tasks undone, it’s time to start organizing your responsibilities. One method I find helpful is sorting them into three categories: “Must do today,” “If there’s time” and “Save for later.” This approach lets you focus on smaller, manageable pieces of your list instead of feeling overwhelmed by everything at once.
The way you decide to prioritize is entirely your choice, but I promise it’s helpful!
5. Share the Load by Delegating
Hello, my fellow control freaks! I understand that delegating a task you usually handle can be a bit unsettling for several reasons:
“It’s more work for me to show someone what to do!“
Yes, it is true, initially, teaching someone might demand extra work. It might seem like you’re piling more onto your plate, but let’s consider a different viewpoint. Although it may be more work initially, once the task or skill is mastered, that’s something that can be removed from your to-do list. It’s also a chance for your children, partner, or others in your life to acquire a new skills and gain independence.
“No one can do it as well as I can!”
It can be difficult to relinquish control, especially when perfectionism makes us feel that no one can do things as well as we can. I understand the struggle that can cause. My instinct to take over and “do it right” is very strong!
What I’ve come to realize is that certain things are too important to me to relinquish control of, and that’s okay. But not everything falls into that category. If my kids’ clothes aren’t folded to my standards or if the bathroom isn’t deep-cleaned every single time, I’ll live. By releasing control of tasks that don’t require your exclusive attention, you create more time for what truly matters to you.
Once you’ve moved past those hiccups, the question becomes: how do you actually delegate?
Start Small:
Find one thing that can be easily taught and handed over. Starting with a very complicated task will be much harder and your motivation to continue may not last. Try something small instead. Can your kids empty their backpacks after school? Can your partner take over one meal a week?
Set realistic expectations:
Learning a new task can take some time. Just because you have it mastered doesn’t mean it will come as easily to those you are teaching it to. Have patience and know that reminders and help are likely to be needed initially.
Work to your strengths:
Work to your strengths: Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. I lack knowledge about vehicles, so it’s pointless for the mechanic to contact me if they discover issues during a service. That responsibility falls on my husband. On the other hand, I’ve always been great with numbers, so I manage the financial side of things.
But remember—no chores or responsibilities belong to just one gender. That’s a narrative we’ve been sold. The tasks in your home should be shared based on what works for you, not outdated expectations like ‘women are better at cleaning.’
Keep practicing the art of letting go:
Speaking personally, there’s nothing that makes me grip tighter than being told to let go. I get it. But sometimes, just sometimes, letting go can actually help you. Can you identify some tasks you can release? Even small ones can make a big difference in lightening your load.
6. Optimize Your Resources with Time Management
Have you ever wished for more time in the day? You’re not alone. Life would be so much easier! While I can’t create more time for you, implementing some of these tips may help:
Use Planners and Calendars:
Utilize physical or digital planners and calendars to schedule your tasks and appointments. This helps you visualize your time commitments and allocate time effectively.
Set Reminders:
Remembering the things that need to be done every day isn’t too difficult, however remembering that you need to sign up for swimming lessons two months before they start often gets missed. Setting reminders in your Calendar ensures nothing gets forgotten. Adding things like when the car needs a service, when to cancel that free trial, or when to change the furnace filter can help.
Practice the Two-Minute Rule:
If a task can be completed in two minutes or less, do it immediately. This prevents small tasks from accumulating and becoming overwhelming.
Establish a Routine:
Creating routines and structure in your day can help manage the Mental Load. They provide a sense of stability and while your mind may feel like chaos, your day doesn’t have to look like it. You may prefer a lot of structure or maybe just loose plans, however having a plan for your days takes some of the decision-making off the table.
7. Use Technological Solutions
In a world that revolves around technology, it seems silly to not take advantage of how it can help ease the burden of Mental Load. There are many options to choose from:
Smart Home Devices: Devices like Google Home or Amazon’s Alexa can alleviate Mental Load by automating and simplifying various tasks. Add things to your shopping list by simply asking your smart device to do it. Or use smart doorbells and locks to improve home security and ensure no one forgets their keys and is locked out.
AI Programs: Programs like ChatGPT are becoming more popular and are shaping the future. Initially, it might be hard to see how they can be helpful, but their ability to generate ideas and brainstorm is remarkable. Whether you need meal ideas or are looking for the perfect gift, simply type in your question and it will provide instant results.
Apps: Shared Calendar apps such as Cozi, Google Calendar, or iCloud Calendar offer the convenience of keeping track of each other’s schedules, eliminating the need for constant questions like “Is anything going on Thursday evening?”.
Additionally, there are other apps designed to streamline household chores and inject some enjoyment into the process. For instance, Sweepy breaks down each room into specific tasks, assigning an effort level to each. The more effort put in, the higher you rise on the leaderboard, adding a gamified element to chores. Nipto, on the other hand, lets you assign point values to tasks, allowing individuals to accumulate points throughout the week, with a weekly winner making the chore experience feel more like a game.
8. Setting Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries, though easier said than done, is vital. Boundaries are challenging for many people and as a people pleaser, I get it. However, even if the desire is there, you simply can’t be everything to everyone.
Here’s what I’ve learned: When you say “yes” to something you don’t want to do, you are allocating your time, energy, and resources to that activity. This often means that you are sacrificing the opportunity to say “yes” to something you truly want to do.
Picture this: You’ve got a hectic schedule, and a friend invites you to a social event on your only night off. Despite feeling tired and in need of rest, you hesitate to decline, not wanting to disappoint your friend. It’s a tough decision, but is it better to disappoint your friend or yourself? I can hear the people-pleasers saying, “Disappointing your friend is much worse!” I’m not suggesting you should always put yourself first, but the toll of constantly disappointing yourself is much heavier than occasionally disappointing others.
It’s a tough reality to accept, but remember: you’re not responsible for others’ reactions. Saying no is challenging, but having some go-to phrases can help. Try some of these next time you feel frozen and about to let that insincere yes out:
- “I’m not able to commit to that right now”
- “Unfortunately, I have too much on my plate at the moment.”
- “I’m honored you asked, but I won’t be able to participate.”
- “I can’t attend, but I’d be happy to support in a different capacity.”
- “I need to say no this time, but I appreciate your understanding.”
- “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
- “If only I could clone myself, but unfortunately, I can’t.”
- “I’m not comfortable with that, so I have to decline.”
Remember, setting and maintaining boundaries is a skill that improves with practice. It’s okay to reassess and adjust your boundaries as needed, but staying true to your needs is essential for healthy relationships and personal well-being.
It also means you’re not stacking more tasks on your already full plate—tasks that don’t align with your needs or values. Each extra obligation adds to your Mental Load, leaving you with even less time and energy to focus on what truly matters.
9. Self-Care
Wait! Hear me out.
When looking for help, hearing suggestions like “Have you tried taking a bath?” might not hit the mark. While baths might work wonders for some, if they aren’t your thing, they can feel like adding yet another task to your overflowing to-do list. Nothing like trying to relieve the burden by adding more weight to it!
The truth is; there is no secret code to crack self-care. That’s why I won’t offer you a generic list of ideas you’ve probably heard countless times before.
Instead, I’ll pose a question: What do you genuinely enjoy? What brings you joy, be it something big or small? It could be as simple as your morning coffee or going for a walk. Maybe it’s diving into a good book, getting in a workout, or cuddling with your dog. Self-care isn’t always about introducing something new, instead it’s about recognizing and nurturing the things you already love. Working with what you already have is far more manageable and still just as effective.
Some things that bring you joy might not make sense to others, and that’s perfectly fine! I find immense joy in Jellycat amusable stuffed animals (adorable, quirky stuffed animals in fun shapes like pretzels or coffee cups with little faces!) Yes, I’m in my thirties, and every time I see one of them, I can’t help but smile. So, I bought one for myself! Does buying a stuffed animal magically erase the burden of the Mental Load? No. But it does give me a daily moment of joy, and I’ll gladly take that.
Maybe it’s adding 10 minutes of reading into your day, scheduling a weekly call with a friend, or maybe you truly love a good bath. Whatever it is, I hope you can find your ‘stuffed animal’ that will bring you joy!
10. Seeking Professional Support
Seeking professional help, like therapy or counseling, can make a big difference when it comes to managing the Mental Load. Therapists can provide a safe space to explore emotions and challenges, offering tools and strategies to cope with stress, anxiety, and more. By understanding your thought patterns and behaviors, you can gain clarity—and as the saying goes, ‘knowledge is power.’
While professional help may not be accessible to everyone, there are other ways to find support:
- Check out programs through family doctors or local community health centers.
- Explore free online resources that provide valuable information and guidance.
- Reach out to friends and family to share how you’re feeling.
- Join our community – I’d be thrilled to chat and provide support in any way I can.
To Sum it Up
Carrying the Mental Load is heavy. I know you want it to feel lighter, but I also know that making changes isn’t easy. You’re already juggling so much, and adding more can feel overwhelming. If you’re feeling a bit overloaded after reading these strategies, I get it. While options are helpful, they can also feel like a lot.
Here’s my advice: Start small. Pick one strategy and give it a try.
And remember, this is an ongoing journey. You’ve been carrying this weight for a long time, so shedding some of it will take time. But I know it’s possible!
I’d love to hear your thoughts or any other strategies that have worked for you!
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